Brother Jed Smock’s annual visit to New Mexico State University had a special guest on February 13th, 2012 his name was Jason Salais. In previous years Brother Smock, the author of “The Personal Effects of Smoking Seven Straight Joints of Marijuana”, would express his religious freedom with such theological gifts to mankind as, “The only things Mexicans contribute to society is burritos and Jewish people are only good making bagels and running banks.”
This year was different however. In the crowd of students gathering to laugh at the sideshow attraction claiming to be a theologian, was Jason Salais a twenty five year old business management major who decided he was going to get arrested that day one way or the other.
His first attempt at earning a pair of bracelets was to speed past a fire engine driving down Missouri Avenue in order to break in front of it and flip the firefighters off. The future business manager then turned onto his home street of Gladys where the firefighters found Salais’ car parked in front of his home, where he aimed a black BB gun at the firefighters as they drove by his home. Afterward he followed the fire engine trying to pull them over for several blocks.
The second attempt at earning a set of jewelry was to pepper spray someone and where would be a better place to find a victim then a congregation of college students being called sluts by a marauding village idiot. Here Salais was blending into the crowd making fun of Brother Jed along with the other students until he tried grabbing the idiot’s cane and accused him of being a false prophet.
After Salais tried grabbing Jed’s stick, just trying to mess around with him, he assimilated back in with the rest of the group, where he started standing next to Mohammed Talb Gharbia and this is where Salais would find the pair of handcuffs he was craving that day.
“What happened was Jason Salais asked Mohammed Talb Gharbia for a cigarette but Gharbia wanted to sell him the cigarette for a dollar instead. Salais got angry and words were exchanged, Gharbia then started to get mad at Salais,” said Robert Miller, Aerospace Engineering major at New Mexico State University.
According to Miller, Salais brought out his own megaphone and began calling Gharbia, “an immigrant piece of”. “People told him had to go then he started acting crazy. Gharbia tried to beat him up but we held him back,” said Miller. “We told Salais to leave but he panicked and pulled a can of mace. I tried taking the mace after he sprayed the crowd while pulling out the can of mace.” That kind of good deed would get the Aerospace Engineer a face full of pepper spray.
After the initial spraying, Salais ran away from the mass of students who were now in hot pursuit of their assailant. While the beginning of the altercation was too hard to see, Salais’ take down and Miller’s revenge was uploaded to Youtube the day of the incident. “I didn’t want to tackle the guy but at the time I was under very high stress and in a situation like that you’re not thinking that much, it felt like the right thing to do,” said Miller, “but I regret it.”
Jason Salais was eventually arrested by the New Mexico State Police and charged with three fourth degree felony counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Although the other eleven victims may not be as merciful towards Salais as Miller is, “I saw people get hit. When I went to the Student Health Services Center to get treated ten other people were already there before me.” Since then Miller hasn’t run into Salais but he is glad he was kicked off of campus, “He is a danger and very irrational.”
According to State Police Lt. Roman Jimenez, Salais was only charged with two petty misdemeanors, disorderly conduct and causing a public affray. Las Cruces Police state that Salais was dropped off for psychological evaluation and later was held at the Dona Ana Detention Center on a $15,000 cash-only bond. Somebody paid the $15,000 cash or more likely the police encourage violence, and only let him off without a warning and now Salais is on the other side of campus causing trouble.
“A week later after a physics class I ran into my buddy Thomas at the parking lot across the street from DiGi’s Deli. This guy comes down University on his bike, swerving, serpentine, an inch from getting hit by traffic,” said Sam George, Coas Employee and NMSU Physics Major.
The man on the bike was Jason Salais and he started talking at Sam and Thomas, “Did you guys hear about that macing last week? It was self defense, it was all self defense guys, they were all coming after me about to attack me and beat me.”
After trying to prove his innocence he moved the conversation on to his possible Youtube celebrity due to the video, “Have you seen the video, the video is going viral. They are saying 30,000 hits. What’s viral?”
Assuming that he was joking over the meaning viral, George replied to Salais, “Exactly what’s viral anyway”
“No seriously, what’s viral,” was Salais’ response.
According to George, “He started talking about how he was kicked out of school, how he can’t see his doctor on campus anymore.”
“Whatever I can go to Denver I can do what I want,” continued Salais before fleeing from the parking lot only to return moments later, a cigarette behind his ear and one in his hand, “I thought they were after me. My family turned on me. People say I changed but I don’t know. My fiancé died and they said I changed.”
Salais then looked George dead in the eyes and said, “I have changed, it’s true I have changed, man. One of you guys got a light?”
“I thought he was going to mace me but I don’t smoke so I told him I didn’t have a lighter,” said George. “He reaches into his pocket and pauses, exclaiming dead pan, revealing he had a lighter but not lighting the cigarette in his hand or behind his ear.”
“They say I’m crazy for pulling a gun on some fire fighters.” Salais told George.
“Oh I actually thought you had a bb gun,” said George who thought he might be accidently antagonizing Salais.
“You know what it really is? Firefighters were following me around, can’t see a Mexican doing good, in my rental car, a 2012 Toyota Corolla”, said Salais, whose lack of expediency in his naming of the rental car made George believe he was lying. “Because I’m Mexican I can’t have anything nice. Ever been to Juarez? Down there you are the minority; up here we are the minority.”
“Dude this is a border town, what are you talking about?” scoffed George.
“You whities come here for some cheap education, you don’t know man.”
“Dude we were born here, we’ve been here our entire life.” George said motioning to himself and Thomas who were both stuck in the awkward encounter.
“You white people stole it.”
“I’m pretty sure we bought it for a million bucks,” joked George.
“We all stole from the Indians,” Thomas joked along with George.
“I’m Indian too man. I’m two for two.”
“How can you make it three for three?” asked George.
“How can I make it three for three?” Salais pondered.
At that pause Thomas and Sam started to walk across the street. Salais followed the two slowly on his bike but took off after a block.
Salais was later seen at the DiGi’s Deli bus stop talking to a female student. He handed her a card for his porn business and she promptly ran across the street to the NMSU campus. The sprayer is currently trolling across the street from campus trying to sell people an Android phone and give out cards for his security and porn businesses.
What Salais is legally facing is unknown but what is known is that he assaulted NMSU students over a cigarette and has been treated better than any non-violent drug user. Students should avoid Salais, unless they can plant drugs on him.
rogueknavery 